There are certain rules that apply to feedback.

Positive feedback is not the same as praise. "Well done!" is nice to receive and nice to give but does not get the receiver any further. What they need to know is what they did that deserved this praise - so they can do it again in future.

Negative feedback is not the same as blame. "You idiot!" helps no-one. What you need to tell the individual and what they need to know is what they did (or didn’t do) that resulted in this insult.

Giving Feedback


1. Positive feedback is more welcome than negative feedback and often not as freely given.

Praise specific actions that have had beneficial effects to encourage the person to use them more often and thus benefit themselves and others.

' You have a way of getting to the heart of any difficult problem, which makes it interesting working with you.'

NOT 'You’re OK at problem solving, but......'


2. Focus on behaviour not on the person.

Tell someone 'What they did' not 'what they are'.

'By interrupting me four times in the last 10 minutes you made me feel angry.'

NOT 'You are a rude person.'


3. Be specific not general.

If people have specific incidents to refer they can replay their memories of the event.

'Your last 3 memos are unclear'

NOT 'Sometimes you seem confused'.


4. Use observation not inference.

Say what you have seen, heard or felt not what you think is happening.

‘The last three times I’ve walked through here you’ve been shouting at Pat, why?’

NOT 'You don't like Pat do you?'


5. Report feelings or consequences of behaviour.

What a person's actions make you feel is valid feedback since they cannot know what effect they have on your feelings. Also valid is what the consequences are of their actions.

'When you shake your finger at me like that I feel like a schoolchild again.'

NOT 'I don't like your supercilious attitude.'


6. Be timely.

Feedback as close to the event as possible is appropriate since it makes it clear to the recipient what the consequences of their actions were. However you must be sensitive and not give negative feedback in front of third parties or right after a very nerve-wrecking event e.g. just after a presentation to 300 people is not the time to weigh in with a number of negative points!!

At formal appraisal time you should be summarising how that individual has performed over the year, not surprising them with a criticism (or praise) about a meeting that was 10 months ago.


7. Direct feedback towards behaviour that the person can do something about.

If the individual wants to change their behaviour then giving examples of something they can act upon will enhance their chances of changing.

'By asking all those open questions of the interviewee you were able to find out the points that I was unhappy about, specifically about their ability to work with several consultants at once.'

NOT 'You did a good interview'.


8. Be very clear about your motives in giving feedback.

Are you just dumping your frustrations on or with the person? Who is it to benefit? Feedback in the correct circumstances, given and received with good intentions, can be very constructive. In other circumstances, where the giver or receiver has ulterior motives, it can be destructive.

'When you are ready I'd like to give you some feedback about your last memo.'

NOT 'I've got some feedback for you (and, boy, are you going to suffer!!).'


Receiving Feedback


1. Listen.

Don't interrupt whilst the feedback is in full flow, listen carefully to what is being said to you. In most circumstances it will be information that could make you easier to work with.

'Right....uuummmmm....OK'

NOT 'I didn't !!'


2. Check your understanding.

Make sure, after the person has finished speaking, that you understand what they said by paraphrasing to them what they said.

'So you are saying that when I said "only an idiot could have designed a structure like that " the architect went red and gritted his teeth?'

NOT 'You're talking rubbish'.


3. Try not to be defensive.

Some feedback can hurt and be painful to hear. Even positive feedback can be hard to accept and we tend to brush it off. Control your own feelings.

‘Thank you. No-one has ever told me that before - I wondered why I kept getting the difficult assignments'

NOT 'Flatterer!!'


4. Ask for examples.

Your feedback giver may not be working to the rules of feedback but there is nothing to prevent you from asking for examples and for specific information to enable you to judge the quality of the feedback.

'When and how did I upset Pat?'

NOT 'Pat's always in tears'.


5. Choose what to do with the feedback.

You can accept it and try to change your behaviour for the better or can totally reject the feedback and carry on as before. Here is where your judgement and feelings about the giver come into play and also what you think are their motives for giving you the feedback.

Options

• LISTEN and try to change
• LISTEN and try to gather more data
• LISTEN and ignore.

6. Relate to other situations and experiences.

Check your memory to similar events in the past. Have others cried when you talked to them? Have others revealed more to your when you plan interviews and use open questions? Is this feedback an isolated incident or does it fit into a pattern. If in a pattern could things be different for you if you tried to change, or not?


7. Check feedback with others.

Go and talk to others who were at the same meeting, interview, etc. and see if their observation of the facts and feelings matched those of your giver. This is where you can check if there has been any 'dumping' on you by the giver.


8. Thank the giver for the feedback and let them know how you feel after receiving it.

It is not easy to give feedback in a constructive manner - especially negative feedback - so recognise that it can have been a painful process for the giver as well as for you, the recipient.

'Thank you for that information about my choice of language at that meeting. I feel annoyed that I didn't see that I had upset some people and calmed the situation at the time. I will check out your feedback with Mickey who was there too and then decide what to do about the architect.'

NOT 'Thanks a bunch you ratbag, how many other people are you going to insult today?'